BDSM, an acronym for Bondage and Discipline (B), Dominance and Submission (D), Sadism and Masochism (SM), is a term that encompasses a range of roles and activities. Contrary to what we often see in media, BDSM practices may be sexual or non-sexual in nature, as per preferences of individuals. There is no exact definition that can be used to understand such a broad concept but let’s start with some basics.
Bondage and Discipline
Bondage is a practice of restraining, which can often include a variety of tools (like ropes, handcuffs, etc) and techniques like Japanese rope bondage (known as Shibari), suspension bondage or types of encasement. This restraint can induce a variety of somatosensory sensations like warmth, coolness, pressure or pain which may calm and/or increase enjoyment among some individuals.
Discipline is as it sounds, a series of rules and punishments, that are agreed upon beforehand among partners, in order for (usually) dominant to assert control or power and/or even dictate the actions of their (usually) submissive partner. Various techniques can be used for disciplining like spanking, whipping, bondage or even non-physical techniques like time-out, deprivation, withholding rewards, humiliation, etc.
Dominance and Submission
Dominance is the act of dominating, which often involves a consensual arrangement of a partner to have control over the actions and behaviours of their partner during sex or other pre-decided areas of life, for example, eating or sleeping. This often implies that a partner would ‘play the role’ of the dominant, and hence would be in a position of more power and/or authority.
Submission then, conversely is the act of submitting to following the actions asked for by the dominant partner. Even though, submission may imply giving up control, it is important to remember that the submissive partner has chosen to submit willingly and therefore, they are still in control of what happens to them. Communication among the involved individuals about limits/boundaries and desires is essential and continued enthusiastic consent is crucial.
Sadism and Masochism
Sadism is the practice of deriving pleasure from inflicting pain, whereas masochism is deriving pleasure from receiving pain. This could include physical pain, like spanking, pinching, other forms of consensual physical harm using floggers or paddles, etc. or emotional pain in the form humiliation and degradation. Communication and consent is of utmost importance to ensure safety of all involved individuals.
Consent and Safety
If you are interested in exploring BDSM or certain elements of it, a thorough understanding and discussion of enthusiastic, informed and ongoing consent is essential. It is important to remember that all activities and roles are participated in voluntarily by all the participants, and that you are allowed to stop or re-negotiate your arrangements at any point during the process.
Safety is also a priority for all those participating, so continued and open channels of communication can help increase the enjoyment and/or pleasure for all those involved. Yes, causing pain and some level of discomfort is an aspect of BDSM, however, discussions on limits and boundaries should be given due importance. Agreeing on signals or safe words to indicate that things are going too far and potential options for physical and emotional aftercare are also some key topics to consider.
Finally, some techniques and activities require experience but all of the above require trust and vulnerability to be shared among individuals. It is important that you try these with people who you know well, or preferably have known for some significant time – to ensure that they have your best interest in mind. It is even okay to take your time and get to know potential partners, ensure you are comfortable with them and are able to keep yourself safe in the unbalanced power dynamics. Start small, experiment, discuss your experiences and don’t hesitate to re-negotiate when needed.
